I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
