A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am available for nakedness
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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