I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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