i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
