Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
there is glitter all over my balls
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
