i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
