My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
