Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
