i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
