Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
