he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
