3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
