i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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