Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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