my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
