Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
