Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
