Sponge bath it is.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
