Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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