if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
