We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
