i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
