Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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