Your face is a jimmy john
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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