Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
