Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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