Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
