u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
