Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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