You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
