Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
