so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
