Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
