You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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