I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
