just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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