Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
