I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
