I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
