# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
