I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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