Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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