There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
