She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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