Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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