I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
