Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
