Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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