Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
