If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
