What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
