we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
