i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
cat food counts as protein by the way
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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